I wasn't going to say anything. I was going to ignore the fact I have a blog (and a lovely bunch of readers) for a little while until I felt the urge once again. We all have full lives and I've never been that consistent with my posting, so I figured some time away would go unnoticed. Time away until I worked out whether or not it's the end of the road for my blog.
I stood washing up at the kitchen sink last night wondering if I felt like writing one of the dozen posts I have in my head. Shall I write the next declutter post? Or post about our second day out, just the two of us? What about homeschooling and my thoughts around that as we slowly get started?
I have plenty to write about, but the pull is slipping away. My life is suddenly very different now; I have very little time to myself and so much is calling for my time. Lots of systems I want to put into place, lots of things to practice, thoughts around money, family, relationships, goals needing careful attention. Ideally, I would live life and simply report back here – that's how everyone else does it, right? But I don't want to stretch myself so thinly just so I can do everything.
You can do anything, but not everything – David Allen
Mother, homeschooling parent, wife, cook, housekeeper, bookkeeper, gardener, blogger, friend, yogi, dog walker, dancer, book club leader… The list goes on. I want to do it all, but am I really doing each one justice? Are they jobs well done? Or am I watering the garden in haste to rush upstairs and read stories and put the boys to bed? Is Sydney just getting a quick walk because I need to get home and tackle something on my list?
This blog, this beautiful blog, feels like something I have to let go so I can put time and energy into doing other things slowly and exceptionally well. For the time being anyway.
I haven't been able to work out whether I just need to put some things on hold (like the garden – once I pull out all my summer tomatoes, eggplant and basil this month, I think I may just leave the soil bare for a few months) or if it's the final curtain. New beginnings, a fresh start.
I almost don't want to publish this post. My head's saying but you might feel like coming back in a week and then you'll look like a fool, but my intuition – the voice I listen to nowadays – says that I need to work on establishing a new rhythm, that I need to get this new way of life on track and work on ironing out aspects of our home life that have been tucked away.
If I listen to my intuition it's telling me to hit publish, so I will.
And then I'm going to organise my registration papers for homeschooling, clean the kitchen, take the dog for a walk and read a book. Slowly and exceptionally well.
So for now I'm tucking my blog away and trusting it's the right thing to do.
Much love to you all,